An odd, somewhat questionable event. Warning – Sexual content.
A few days ago, I was sitting in front of my computer going through my emails and, in general, just enjoying the day. Then I got this phone call. It was from a man I’ll call Vern (to protect myself.)
Vern and I have known each other for many years. He was my first boyfriend. Then I married someone else. I moved around with my spouse and had two children by him. Finally I left him (for the third time which turned out to be the charm) and moved back in with my parents. I managed to reconnect with Vern then. I remember the first time we saw each other then, he told me he was kind of worried that I might have gained a lot a weight and looked like my mother. He was pleased I hadn’t. When I moved into my own place, with my parents help as McDonald’s didn’t (and probably still doesn’t) pay very well, I had one particularly bad night when I imbibed a mixture of alcohols (wine and Southern comfort were two, don’t remember other one.) Vern came over to hold my head while I threw up and put me to bed, alone. Time passed and he found a friend and they were married. Time also moved on for me and I found my true love and have now been happily married for more than 33 years. Vern was our photographer at our wedding. That’s our history.
Now back to the phone call. We have caller ID so I knew who was calling.
Vern: Is this xxx?
Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”
Vern: “Give me a job.”
Me: “What? I don’t understand.”
I blinked, then I realized he hadn’t asked for employment; he’d asked for a blow-job.
Me: “I’m married. You were our photographer at our wedding.”
Vern: “I know. I’ve had a vasectomy.”
Me: “You didn’t need one before.”
Vern: “Well, now I’ve had one.”
Me: “I’m happily married for 33-34 years. I take it you don’t have a Lady friend.”
Vern: “Not right now.”
Me: “Sorry, I can’t help you.”
Me: “Goodbye, Vern.”
I went and told my husband what happened and wondered why, after all these years, he chose to call me.
Looking back a couple of days previous, I realized that I may have seen him at a restaurant. My husband and I were eating lunch and I saw this big man with a round face, mostly bald on top, with scraggly, long, thin hairs hanging down (a mustache???) wearing a bright colored shirt go by towards the cashier. He seemed somewhat familiar but I couldn’t put a name on him. He turned his head and looked hard at me. If it was him, he’s changed a lot. And his phone call shows he’s deteriorated as well.
Ironically, since our re-connection when I was divorcing my first husband, I have gained weight and do look like my mother.
So it was definitely odd and definitely questionable.
I should be insulted but I just can’t be bothered. It’s not worth the energy.